Wining and Dining Etiquette
Wining and dining etiquette – I’ve seen first hand extremely technically competent men and women get passed over for promotion because they lack the social graces and etiquette befitting their employer.
I’m not exaggerating. I know this happens. I’ve seen it. Time and time again.
I’ve worked at board level for some pretty heavy-hitting Fortune 500 companies. I got to know who was being promoted and who was passed over. In many instances promotion had nothing to do with technical competence but everything to do with social graces.
I also saw extremely switched-on assets-to-their-organisation executives being passed over because their spouses lacked the social skills and graces considered essential. {No, I’m not joking! it happens!}
Some job interviews include observation at networking events. Many men and women who have all the right qualifications fail because they stuff up socially.
Dining and networking etiquette are important aspects both socially and professionally.
Here’s a 101 overview on what to do and not to do when you’re out rubbing shoulders with others in a social environment that’s all about work.
Avoid getting a reputation
I swear some people only attend networking events for the free food and drink that’s on offer.
They’re easy to recognise: they’re either congregating around the bar area or grabbing handfuls of food every time it’s offered to them.
Timing
Now, I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been caught out a few times at networking events by being unable to answer a question politely or provide my business card elegantly or shake someone’s hand without going into a juggling and balancing routine.
Because my timing has sucked:
- I’ve been caught with my mouth full.
- I’ve been unable to provide my business card because my hands are full of food or drink.
- My hands are too sticky or gooey to be polite or they’re full (per 2 above) and I’ve had to juggle plates, glasses, napkins.
If you’ve even been in a similar situation you’ll probably agree that it does absolutely nothing to convey a powerful professional image.
Remember: you only get one chance to make a good first impression.
In Referral Marketing Tip of the Week – Business Cards – 5 steps to maximise every opportunity + 4 action steps – I talked about the necessity of having a business card filing system.
When your hands are full of drink and/or food, having a filing system is especially helpful.
However, my first preference is to avoid eating at networking events. And to go easy on the alcohol.
In addition to developing your own filing system I also recommend the following:
Eat before a networking event
Eating before a networking event will help take the edge off your hunger. It will mean you’re less likely to succumb to the tempting aromas of all the nibbles being passed around.
Eat whatever works for you and your lifestyle:
- Fruit
- Protein bar / smoothie
- Light sandwich
Obviously, this doesn’t apply if the networking event includes a dining experience (eg, breakfast seminar, luncheons, dinners and gala award type events).
Eating at a networking event
If you must eat at a networking event attempt to do so at a time when you’re not going to be interrupted.
At a time when you know you’ll be able to eat whatever it is without being asked a question or for your business card or to be introduced to someone whose hand you will be invited to shake.
Just because everyone else is eating doesn’t mean you need to too.
Exercise restraint.
Business Breakfast, Lunch or Dinner Events
Sometimes networking events include meals:
- Breakfast seminars
- Lunch seminars
- Business dinners / gala dinners / business of the year type award events
At these events you have no choice but to eat.
Here are some tips to help you navigate business dining scenarios professionally, with correct dining etiquette and powerfully.
Select the power menu option
And no, this doesn’t relate to protein vs fat vs carb debate.
It relates to the ease of eating option.
At business events that involve dining always opt for something on the menu you’re not likely to end up wearing. Or something that requires you to use your hands to eat.
Some menu items to avoid are:
- Pasta dishes – unless you’re a pro at knowing how to twirl pasta around your fork without splashing anyone and without the necessity to slurp while eating.
- Shellfish – unless it’s sans shell.
- Burgers – unless they come with a knife and fork.
- Chicken & chops – unless they’re already bone-free.
- Asparagus.
- Fondue.
- Eclairs or other things that “squish” the filling from one end to the other as soon as you take a bite.
- Soup (unless you’re absolutely 100% au fait with using a soup spoon back-to-front to a dessert spoon).
Dining Etiquette
Just in case you decided to turn a deaf ear to your grandmother’s dining etiquette lessons when you were younger – here’s a quick 101 for you:
BMW: bread – meal – water – that’s the layout on the table. Bread on the left of your meal (in the middle) + water on the right.
Which knife is mine? Which fork is yours? – have you ever sat down at a table and wondered just which plate, knife, fork or glass belong to you? Here’s how to remember:
LEFT has four letters, RIGHT has five.
FOOD (four letters) and is placed to the LEFT of your dinner plate (eg, bread, salad).
FORK⇔four letters ⇔LEFT of your dinner plate.
Your DRINK or GLASS are on the RIGHT ⇔ all have five letters.
SPOON & KNIFE ⇔ five letters ⇔RIGHT
When there are multiple food courses (eg, entrée, soup, main, dessert) and lots of cutlery, always start from the outside and work your way in.
FYI the entrée fork is generally the largest and the salad the smallest.
Soup
The soup spoon is more bulbous than a dessert spoon and is designed to be sipped (not slurped) from.
When using a soup spoon it is always scooped from the back of the bowl away from you. This results in any drips usually (not always!) dripping back into the bowl, not on you.
When you tilt the soup bowl to get the last few spoonsful always tilt it away from you.
Bread rolls
Should always be broken with your hands (not sliced in half with a knife).
Butter only piece-by-bite-size-piece (not the entire roll all at once).
Take a butter pat from the butter dish for your own plate. It is considered bad form and impolite to butter direct from a shared butter dish.
Butter piece by piece. Ensure that each piece being buttered is bite-size. Eat only bite-size by bite-size (ie, don’t take a bite from a larger piece of roll).
Elbows
Your shoulder is designed to pivot so that you can eat without looking like you’re flapping your wings and about to take off
Keep your elbows in and at your sides while you’re eating.
Strictly speaking your elbows should also stay off the table.
Holding your cutlery
Hold your knife and fork with the handles in the palm of your hand, towards the end of the handle.
Avoid holding either your knife or fork as though it were a club or dagger. [And remember to keep your elbows down and in!]
Napkin (or serviette)
This goes in your lap – not tucked into your shirt collar or inside your belt.
Yes! I understand that securing it to your body ensures it doesn’t end up on the floor. But we’re talking etiquette here – which doesn’t always equate to practical.
Is there a difference between napkin and serviette? Yes: napkins are usually cloth (think starched Irish Linen at posh restaurants) whereas serviettes are usually paper (think McDonalds).
When you have finished your meal the polite thing to do is to lightly fold your napkin and place it to one side of your plate – not on your plate. Neither is it the done thing to refold your napkin as though you haven’t used it.
Your napkin is designed to help remove the detritus from around your face (how some people manage to get food all over their faces is beyond me, but they do).
If you are eating anything squishy (burgers, cream cakes, heavily sauced meals) remember to use your napkin to ensure you’re not wearing any of your food.
Napkins are to be used for wiping food from around your mouth, not in lieu of a handkerchief. {Believe it or not some people do!}
Desserts
Can be eaten with a spoon and fork or just the fork (pastries, cakes).
Dessert forks have one tine (a tine is a fork prong) that is shaped more blade-like than the others which can be used to cut.
Unfortunately, most dessert forks are designed for right-handers and us lefties either have to swap hands or use the dessert fork upside down when cutting.
Glasses
If you wish to decline a drink simply put your hand over your glass when the waiter is serving. It is considered bad form to turn your glass upside down.
It is also considered good form to hold wine glasses by their stems, not their bowls.
Please – discreetly – ensure that no food or lipstick is left on your glass after you have drunk from it. Enough said on that one!
Avoid multi-tasking
It’s considered bad manners to talk with food in your mouth.
Taking only small, bite-size pieces of food will ensure you won’t have to keep someone waiting while you finish what you’re eating before answering their question.
If you have to turn your fork sideways to get it into your mouth your fork is overloaded with food!
Likewise, it’s considered very bad manners to eat with your mouth open so keep it closed.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is dining etiquette 101.
Action Steps
Action Step #1 – Plan to eat ahead of networking events – where possible (eg, networking over coffee, business after 5) type events.You know what will work for you. Buy whatever you need ahead of time during the day so that you’re prepared.
Action Step #2 – Practice where necessary – if you’re used to holding your cutlery like clubs, practise holding them the ‘correct’ way so that it becomes second nature.
Ditto holding wine glasses by the stem of the glass. It takes a bit of getting used to because the glass may feel unbalanced.
Soup spoons – practice sipping, not slurping and lifting the spoon away from you.
IMAGE SOURCES
avoid burgers at a networking event
the correct way to eat bread rolls
the correct way to hold a wine glass